Jessye McGarry | Writing

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HEADLINES

Amazing! This New Gmail Feature Will Let You Know If You’re Being Normal In An Email
Devastating Blow To Feminism: This Woman Sucks
Awesome: Vera Wang Is Releasing A Tear-Away Wedding Dress For Brides Who Have A Basketball Game During The Ceremony
Every Grandparent From Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, Ranked By How Much They Pissed In The Bed They Shared
Invaluable Sex Education: This Quora Post From 2011 Explains Why It’s Not Likely That You Would Get Pregnant From ‘Him Druy Hump My LEg N Sat In Wet But Left Pantys On’
Total Time Saver: Thinx Has Released A 10-Inch-Thick Pantsuit That Busy Working Women Can Bleed Into For Up To 6 Years
Customer Service FTW: JCPenney Portrait Studios Will Now Provide A Mopey Teen Who Will Sit For Your Family Photo If Your Own Mopey Teen Refuses To Get Out Of The Car
7 Modern Dating Rules That Don’t Mean Shit In The Swamp
They Just Want To Get Through The Day: Axe Body Spray Has Released A New Undetectable Scent For Shy 8th Grade Boys Who Don’t Want To Be Noticed
Supporting Their Fans: The Blue Man Group Has Announced That They Will Pay Your Bail If You Get Arrested For Masturbating To Their Ad On The Train
Sort Of Heartwarming: This Kid With Terminal Cancer Wrote A Will Where He Left All Of His Toys To Daniel Tiger, Which Is Super Sweet, But It’s Going To Be An Absolute Legal Nightmare For His Parents After He Dies
Was That Really Worth Reviving It? John Krasinski Brought Back ‘Some Good News’ For A 29 Second Episode Where He Just Showed A Photo Of A Turtle In A Party Hat Then Said He Got A Handjob From His Wife 2 Nights Ago
Something For The Fellas And The Ladies Alike: 5 Pictures Of Gremlins And 2 Mental Health Resources If You’re Struggling With Suicidal Ideation
The Saga Continues: JK Rowling Has Revealed That Ron Weasley Became Patient Zero For Coronavirus After Messing Up A Spell Where He Tried To Turn A Bat Into A Larger Bat He Could Have Sex With
Major Threat: The Jeans From ‘The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants’ Have Been Intercepted By ISIS

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